Consent in casual dating: what it means and what UK law says

Casual dating runs on a simple deal: two adults who both want the same thing, at the same time. Consent is how you know that's what's happening. This guide sets out what the law says in each UK nation, checked against the legislation and prosecutors' published guidance on 18 October 2026. It's general information, not legal advice.

What the law actually says

Consent, in UK law, means a real choice, made freely, by someone able to make it. Each legal system puts it in its own words.

England and Wales. Section 74 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 says a person consents "if he agrees by choice, and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice". Freedom means nobody is pressuring, threatening or trapping them. Capacity means they're in a fit state to understand and decide.

Northern Ireland. Article 3 of the Sexual Offences (Northern Ireland) Order 2008 uses the same words.

Scotland. The Sexual Offences (Scotland) Act 2009 defines consent as "free agreement", and spells out situations where there is no free agreement, which we cover below.

Different wording, same principle across the UK: a yes only counts if it's genuinely free and the person is in a fit state to give it.

Yes to one thing isn't yes to everything

Consent is specific: agreeing to one act isn't agreeing to another. Coming back to yours isn't consent to sex, and consent to one sex act isn't consent to the next. Scots law says it directly: consent to one kind of conduct "does not of itself imply consent to any other conduct". The Crown Prosecution Service makes the same point for England and Wales.

It also doesn't carry over. Last weekend's yes, a flirty message this afternoon, or a profile that says what someone's into, are not consent to what happens tonight.

Anyone can change their mind, at any point

Consent can be withdrawn before sex or during it, and once it's gone, you stop. The Scottish Act says so in terms, and the CPS says consent "can be withdrawn at any time and for any type of sexual activity". If someone says stop, goes quiet, pulls away or seems to have checked out, you stop. Carrying on after consent has gone is carrying on without consent.

The same applies to you. You can leave, slow down or say no at any stage, however far things have got and whatever you said earlier.

Drink, drugs and sleep

A few drinks don't cancel anyone's right to say yes, but someone who has lost the capacity to choose can't consent. The CPS explains that a person under the influence "may or may not be able to consent", and that someone who has temporarily lost the ability to choose is not consenting, even if they're still conscious.

Some lines are absolute. In Scotland, the law says a person who is asleep or unconscious is incapable of consenting, and that there's no free agreement where someone is incapable because of alcohol or another substance. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the law presumes there was no consent where someone was asleep or unconscious, or had been given a substance capable of stupefying them without their consent.

The practical rule is easy: if you're wondering whether they're too drunk, they are. Wait until you're both sober enough to mean it. Our meeting safely checklist covers pacing the drinks and what to do if you think a drink was spiked.

Condoms are part of the deal

If someone agreed to sex with a condom, that's what they agreed to. "Stealthing" is removing a condom, or never putting one on, without the other person knowing, and it means sex they didn't consent to. In December 2024 Scotland's prosecution service secured the country's first rape conviction for stealthing, in a case where the man had removed a condom without his partner's consent.

Sort it out in advance, plainly, and stick to it. The free STI testing guide has ways to raise testing and protection without making it awkward.

Lies that cancel consent

A small number of deceptions mean there was no consent in law. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the law conclusively presumes there was no consent where someone was deliberately deceived about the nature or purpose of the act, or tricked by a person pretending to be someone they knew personally. Scots law has equivalent provisions.

That's a narrow list, but the wider lesson for casual dating is simple: be straight with people about what you're offering, and about protection.

"I thought they were up for it"

Believing someone consented isn't enough on its own; the belief has to be reasonable. The CPS explains that prosecutors must show the suspect did not reasonably believe the other person was consenting, and that whether a belief was reasonable depends on all the circumstances, including any steps the suspect took to find out. Someone can be guilty of rape even if they believed there was consent, if that belief wasn't reasonable. Asking is the step that counts.

Rough sex and choking have legal limits

Consent doesn't make everything lawful. In England and Wales, strangling or suffocating someone is a specific criminal offence. Consent can be raised as a defence, but not where serious harm is caused and the person intended it or was reckless about it. Separately, the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 says consent to actual bodily harm or worse, for sexual gratification, is no defence.

If you're both into something more intense, talk about it sober and in advance, agree limits and a clear stop signal, and leave anything involving breathing well alone.

Photos and videos need consent too

Taking, sharing or threatening to share intimate images without consent can be a crime. Sharing, or threatening to share, an intimate photo or video of someone without their consent is an offence in England and Wales under the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (since 31 January 2024), and in Scotland under the Abusive Behaviour and Sexual Harm (Scotland) Act 2016. So is sending someone an unsolicited explicit image of genitals in England and Wales, if it's meant to cause distress or sent for sexual gratification without caring whether it does. The Crime and Policing Act 2026 adds offences in England and Wales for taking or recording intimate images without consent.

A good rule: don't photograph or film anyone without a clear yes, and don't send anything explicit that hasn't been asked for. The discretion guide covers protecting your own images.

What does consent look like in practice?

In practice, consent is mostly paying attention and asking. None of it needs to feel like paperwork.

• Ask, and mean the question. "Do you want to…?" "Is this good?" "Want to slow down?"
• Read the whole person. Enthusiasm is easy to spot. So is hesitation, stiffness or silence; treat those as a pause, not a maybe.
• Check in when things change. New act, new position, new idea: new question.
• Make no the easy answer. Say it out loud: "Tell me if you want to stop, I won't mind." Then don't mind.

Our guide to saying what you want, and what you don't has more on having these conversations before you meet, and the safety and consent page puts the essentials on one page.

If something has gone wrong

If you think you were assaulted, you can get free, confidential support whether or not you go to the police. In an emergency call 999. After that, these services can help, including with medical care and keeping evidence while you decide what to do:

If you're worried that you got it wrong with someone, stop contact unless they want it, don't pressure them to talk it through, and take the lesson into every future date: ask, and keep asking. To report a member's behaviour on the site, use the members help centre with their username. Local services, region by region, are on our sexual health hub.